Take Them Back

Exam mode is in the air and I have this uneasy feeling. Not because of the exam but something else. That 'something' makes me to lose focus. Dush! Breaking the attachment; to people, dunya, etc is not an easy task to do but that's where mujahadah came.

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.(13:28)

This world cannot break you-unless you give it permission. And it cannot own you unless you hand it he keys-unless you give it your heart. And so if you have handed those keys to dunya for a while- take them back. Reclaim your heart.

-Yasmin Mogahed-

Keep your focus, dear Atikah! That's not where the story ends. That's where it begins.

p/s: The sentences and paragraphs are not chronologically related, which shows my messy thoughts..

Oh my!

Lesson of the week:

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I accidentally deleted a Picasa folder in my google acount, which contains this blog's pictures, background and layout stuff. Too bad I don't have a back up. So now, my blog is full with "no entry sign" -.-'

I accidentally formatted my lappy. "Accidentally? Like how?"- I know this will be your first reaction. But seriously this was sooo heart-breaking as I lost all my personal data, original software and application.

A friend of mine said this to me: "Start a new life, Atikah"

and yes, I have to. (It really sounds like a big problem over there. Hehe)


When this thing happened, I was wondering that even though I felt sad but, I still have another chance (for this case: re-install everything, and ask for the e-books and lectures notes copies from friends) But if we deleted Allah and Islam in our life in this dunya, we certainly will not have any other chance in the hereafter. and that is it. the most regretful person, we will be. Nauzubillah.

Then is he who will shield with his face the worst of the punishment on the Day of Resurrection [like one secure from it]? And it will be said to the wrongdoers, "Taste what you used to earn." Those before them denied, and punishment came upon them from where they did not perceive. So Allah made them taste disgrace in worldly life. But the punishment of the Hereafter is greater, if they only knew.And We have certainly presented for the people in this Qur'an from every [kind of] example - that they might remember.

(39:24-27)

Hurm, so take it or leave it. May He guide us all.

P/S: I'll be sitting for my first exam next week. Dush. May He ease. Doakan people!

Getting Started

credit to HZ

When I first attended the orientation programme, I was in shock. The "Use Condoms" campaign, Party every nights along the freshers' week, and yes, free condom(s) in our goodie bag.

Don't worry, it is not a big issue after all.

What else?

Woke up at 2 or 3 am for the first few days due to jetlag.

Drooling seeing them eating palatable and mouth-watering food, knowing that we cannot eat them.

Loads of anatomy class (almost every day) and they made me -.-". Still, it's an enjoying subject compared to others.

Sleep in ***** classes.

The cold weather. Hiding under my pink with flowers-printed duvet is a blast. Teehee. Get used to the weather already, Alhamdulillah.

Lovely Irish housemates.

Walking to everywhere I go. 

Strolled around the town alone. 

Eat a lot. and cook a lot too :))

Can't think of anything else. 

Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang berkata, "Tuhan kami adalah Allah" kemudian mereka meneguhkan pendirian mereka, maka malaikat-malaikat akan turun kepada mereka (dengan berkata), "Janganlah kamu merasa takut dan janganlah kamu bersedih hati, dan bergembiralah kamu dengan (memperolehi) syurga yang telah dijanjikan kepadamu.  

(Fussilat: 40)

Urmm, not all of us willing to remain in the right course (meneguhkan pendirian mereka). It is not easy though. May He ease.

With loads of love,
Atikah

University Life

Settling down, InshaAllah.

Thanks

Remember this book? I once put it as one of my wishlists on a blog post. Guess what, I own this book now. Thanks to a good friend of mine, who is generously willing to give this book for me as a present and had to sacrifice a few bucks for the air shipping.

Dear you-know-who-you-are, thanks a bunch. I really really  appreciate it. I pray that Allah will shower you endless happiness and blessings. May Allah grant us all the highest Jannah and reward us in dunya wal akhira.

No words are enough..

With love, hugs and doas,
Atikah.

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Have you said "Alhamdulillah" today? Alhamdulillah for Allah had chosen us from the zillions of people to worship Him,  to remember Him, while others are sinning and forget Allah totally. The ni'mah of Islam and Iman are the biggest one could ask for. Cliche' isn't it? However, if you really try to reminisce your jahilliyyah and compare them with your current life, I am pretty sure you would be so grateful. Such reminder is often said in almost every thobur (read: assembly) back in Maahad, but I can only feel and fathom this after leaving the school. -.='

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After those sombre atmosphere in my life (and my blog too), I am now feel rejuvenated. Seeing my BFF back in Maahad really cheer me up. Last week, I went to a friend's wedding and met a few darlings from Noli Me Tangere, MMP, and KEX'10. On the next day, I spent a whole day with Cals, and managed to spend time with my lovely desk-mates (Adnin, Bibah, Aisyah) Thanks Allah for sending these people for me.

and my family are more supportive than ever when I was having depression. I often found myself sleeping at sister's or mama's rather than my own room, sharing plates and suap-ing each other recently. Not to mention, some fights too. Hahaha.

and I am leaving all these lovelies soon. I'll be surely missing you guys.

So dear Atikah,

 Take care of yourself! you're a big girl now. ( Should I rename the blog to confessions of a BIG girl? :D)

p/s: jagalah hati.

Change of Plan

Change of plan out of sudden. I'm not going there.

This is one of the prayers said by Khalifah Umar Bin Abdul Aziz r.a,

Risk-Taker?

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May Allah guide me 

Dear friends, doakan ya :)

Decision

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We make decisions everyday, from mundane ones to life-changing decisions. Before going to class, I would take a minute or two to decide which clothes, which colour to be donned. That's a simple decision-making. But what about the life-changing decision-making?

I usually would make a table, listing the pros and cons, when it comes to an important matter. However, I found myself choosing the ones with loads of cons (based on the past events). I don't know why. Weird.

I hope the decision I made is the right one. The one that is the best for me. :)

Thanks 'you know who you are' for these;

"Ask yourself whether 'this' is a decision that you would be able to live with, even if things do not work as planned."


"Tgok kat mana Allah permudahkan ye tikah
kdg2 kita tutup our heart utk tgok jalan lain
Allah tutup satu jalan
tp bukak jalan lain
maybe kita xtgok jalan yg dibukak
sbb kita nampak jalan yg kita nak je."


Best wishes,
Atikah

Syawal

I hope it is still not too late to wish fellow readers and bloggers,

Happy Eid Ul-Fitri
Forgive me for all the wrongdoings.
Happy fasting for 6 days in Syawal , everyone :)

Post Rejection

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Alhamdulillah, I am recovering. The 'Q & A' session are really popular right now. I guess, it'll reach its peak during this Eid. To be honest, I'm just OK with it but some people keep asking, "are you okay?", thus making me Not OK. Teehee. 

Anyway, I just received emails and I got two offers for Medicine; National University of Galway, Ireland- AUCMS twinning programme AND USM-KLE, India (full course). I don't know which one should I choose. Any opinion fellow readers?

On a different note, I found two beautifully-written pieces of words:

“Attach your heart to God and you will never be let down.” – Imam Zaid Shakir

“When I cry or lose or bruise, so long as I am still alive, nothing is ultimate. So long as there is still a tomorrow, a next moment, there is hope, there is change, there is redemption. What is lost, is not lost forever.” – Yasmin Mogahed

p/s: I still can go to the UK if I change the course. University College London for Biotechnology. Still, I don't think I'll.

Reclaim Your Heart

I want this book so badly. Anyone? :P

Reclaim your heart

Personal insights on breaking free from life's shackles.

Pretty suitable for my current condition :)

I am an IB graduate

I wonder whether it still give a significant meaning to me. Still, thanks mom, kakak and kak loo for attending the graduation and keep supporting me all these while. I really appreciate it.


p/s : Sacrificing everything for something that you longed for, including ignoring your real responsibility would finally give you nothing. You'll lose both.

Q & A

Loads of people keep asking me these;

Atikah, how's ur result?
Where would you go after this?


and my answers are,

My result's just ok. not that 44, 45 kind of result, but I passed all the requirements. Alhamdulillah.

Still,

I'm not going to Liverpool. Enough said.

Saturday Night Blue

It always occurs to me to wonder why I am not good enough. I cry. I sob and I look like a panda. So, what do I get in the end?

A pair of panda eyes, perhaps.  It didn’t made me feel any better.

If we just sit and do nothing, and all we do is regretting what’s being done, we won't get nowhere.

So Atikah,

STAND UP.

CHANGE.

Allah will help those who help themselves.

I often pray  so that He guides me to the righteneous, I ask Him to show me the way to gain His bless and His love. I say that I want to seek for His eternal love. But too little of my actions synchronise with what I pray and say.  Too little I've done to secure my place in heaven, too small my sacrifices are, too many jahilliah unsettled. I abide by nafs. I still not be able to satisfies all the ten muwasafat tarbiyah. So is it true that I really put Him as my highest priority? If I do, why didn't I work with 100% productivity just for Him? One does not called fallling in love when they have no interest in impressing the person they thought they fall fall for...

One Step At A Time

photo by deviantart

42 days ago, probably at this moment I was walking out the exam hall for the last time (for the IB exam, I mean). To be honest, I had mixed feelings when the exam ended. Of course, I was happy for able to finish the two gruelling years in KMB. At the same time, I felt sad to leave the college, teachers, friends, my favourite nasi lemak, kue tiaw kungfu and laici susu. Teehee. That was a 42-days-ago story. Let’s turn the time machine into NOW.

So currently, I am in holidays, which lasts until September. The result will be announced somewhere in July. Talking about the result, I would like to quote a post by one of the KMBians on the wall of our batch’s facebook group.

 an ib student waiting for results feels like a chicken about to be slaughtered...

Gulp! I can’t help but nodding as a sign of agreement when reading this line.

Moving on..

So far, I’m spending my time by watching TV, surfing the internet and reading books. I’m currently engaging myself to read The Magic. It’s actually a present from my classmate during our class party. I don’t know whether he intended to give me this book or just picked up randomly. When I received the book, I said to myself,

“Is it a sign, Atikah? Perhaps all these while, you’re not grateful enough. A lack in gratitude; this might be an answer for your inferiority and negative mindset.”

Previously, I saw the book a few times in bookstores, but I never dare to touch or even buy it. I am not saying that the book is bad or whatnot, but you know, I just do not feel interested. Don’t ask me why because I can’t even give you the reason. This book is 254 pages long, but I find it difficult to finish it, not because it doesn’t interesting but it comes with some practical. (The practical thingy really takes time!). Basically, this book really focuses on gratitude and I believe the author wants the readers to really hammer home the importance of gratitude in making each day of our life a masterpiece. 

Gratitude! It sounds simple but it really hard to practise. But it’s not impossible though. InsyaAllah, I am trying to cultivate and instil it in myself. I suppose I got plenty of time. My holidays last until September, remember? Well, a holiday is always the best time for self-reflection. Don’t you think so?

Today, I came across a quote or some of us might want to regard it as a mantra, which sounds;

Change your thoughts, you change the world

Apparently this is a peppy little saying or else it can be a plain annoying. If only the “change” is easy as it sounds.  If only it could happen in the blink of eyes. Forget the “if only’ and let’s face it. It ain’t easy. This is what I am struggling so hard; to change my thoughts.

photo by deviantart

In person, some people might regard me as a confident person. But another time, I could be really negative or even a naysayer. When times are tough, when I am very tired doing things and getting stuffs done, when I feel so frustrated by disappointments, I often find it difficult to change course, recalibrate and steer my little ship of self into positive direction. Instead, I cry silently to myself and worse, indulge myself in unbeneficial activities for escapism. This involved reading frothy novels, and sleeping. The 2 years in KMB really taught me something; I realize that my negative mindset is what held me back more than anything. I realized that I spend more time to treat my emotion rather than really doing something. At last, I found myself in a loss.

The feeling of uneasiness however, is normal for human. We are just a weak creature, after all. It is a matter of how we deal with those problems. Therefore, we need to hold on to something sacred in our life, which is of course the Almighty.

Still, I don’t want this situation happen again in the future, not in my university life. I don’t want to be the person, who sobs in the corner wondering why I am not good enough. I don’t want the disappointments I faced thwart my journey. I don’t want my emotion governs me and ceases me from doing the thing that I should do in the very first place.

All because I don’t want to be in a big loss.

Metaphorically speaking, I’ve seen those, who can walk through a field of Poison Ivy without having a slightest discomfort. These people do not seem to be affected by speed bumps of life. They remain unscathed despite of all shortcomings. So, what makes these people different from me? What makes these people more resilient? I believe it's because they all practise gratitude and have a positive mind about everything. How to do it then?

In life, we are often blinded by what we desire and things we don’t possess, we fail to remember the things (and people) we already have, things that have always been there since the very beginning. We fail to make the best of what we have because we keep on grasping tight on things that make us sad. We fail to move on because when we say we’ve moved on, but we actually don’t.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in a rain.

A simple, yet a profound treasure behind the line. Don’t you agree? How often we had put conditions on our happiness in our daily lives? When we receive flying colours result, then we can be happy. When we are in a vacation with our family, then we’ll able to do more together; strengthen our ties. Is just that? Let’s take some time to pause, recognize and be grateful for the immense blessings that are all around us- the joys that were too often going unnoticed in our rush to future happiness.

InshaAllah, one step at a time, I am learning to dance in the rain.

Yours truly,

Atikah

IB Exam. Break a Leg

InsyaAllah I will be sitting for International Baccalaureate (IB) exam from 3th till 18th May 2012. Pray for my success people :))

ATIKAH HASSAN 45 POINTS.
Am I aiming too high? No, because Allah don't expect me to be mediocre. Kalau nak aim syurga pun, kena aim firdaus kan?

The Nameless Feeling

One:

I always find it difficult to make decision, knowing that I have to choose between dreams and self capability. All these while, I prefer dreams in the hope I’ll be a better Atikah.

And today, I doubt about it.

Two:

contains small pieces of papers about me.
(written by my classmate during the last class of Malay A1)

Picture- I cherished the hope that one day (probably  5 years later) I will open this box (should it be a bottle?)  while smiling and reminiscing  my good & bad time in KMB.

Three:

Yesterday was the last formal class we had in KMB, which indicates how close the IB Exam is.

Four:

I’m starting new.

Five:

Life is not about constantly worrying about something, it's about living. I seriously don't want to live with a constant fear over things that I shouldn't be fear of in the first place.

Six:

I’ve been meaning to update this blog but in certain things, I prefer to keep it as a recondite matters. My post this time is somehow ‘retarded’ because each paragraph doesn’t really relate to the one after it. Chronologically and historically unrelated at all. I just type what pops on my mind. A plethora of thoughts have been knocking, scratch that, bashing my mind to one point where I can't think properly.

Seven:

There’s still one more precious month in KMB. 

P/S: The will be the last. Not until June.

She scared me

Afraid to your own teacher.

What would you do if you're in this situation? Ermm..

Ermm..

Howdy dear earthlings! I hope everyone have a blast! After some time not writing here, I'm just thinking to express and rumble my fleeting thoughts.

This week has been a real messy for me.

1. I have fever. I spent (read: rested) most of my time with sleeping =.= I skipped class on Monday and on Friday, I returned hostel after taking Math quiz & Chem test. It's just like everything's shut down.

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2. Last two weeks, IUMC (for ireland-bound students) result was out. Most of my friends got the conditional offers. Last sunday, Cardiff Uni started making offers. As far as I knew, 4 kmb-ians got the offers and they(Cardiff Uni) said the process will not complete until early March. And yesterday, Leicester Uni was giving out their offers.

3. 2 more months to go before IB Exam and I don't have mood to start studying.

Last but not least, the fever and a bit emotionally distress makes me sick even more. At the same time, I cried to the fact that I'm worrying about the dunya, which I'm not supposed to. Forgive me O'Allah.

Marriage

Kahwin? Marriage? Matrimony? Nuptial?

I feel like people around me keep talking about that. This includes in Facebook. But don't worry, I'm not gonna talk about this.  I am not even 20 and I don't think I should. Not now. Future? Emmm, who knows? :D Talking about this, I would say it's human nature to love and to be loved. I am not an exception too. I always remind myself not to involve in this. "Atikah, kata nak cari cinta Allah. so jangan la crush kat orang lain ya" Teehee.  I know it sounds funny. So, please, don't giggle!

On a different note,  I went for an outing to MidValley yesterday, just to spend the BB1M - 1 Malaysia Book Voucher. Bought 3 books for RM100. I used to read lots of romance books (Both English and Malay version) but due to some personal reasons, I promised myself not to buy those books anymore. Worse, since I'm bounded to the promise, I ended up borrowing romance novels from my friends. =.- Believe it or not, I've read not one, but three novels in this weekend. So now, I promised  not to buy or read any kind of this book. Changing the book genre that we used to read is hard, but I know it's worth every effort. InshaAllah. Seerah is one of my wishlist :)

I might not able to read those books now, but InshaAllah, I will find appropriate time to enjoy these :) 

Non of those books are academics books. Well, IB books are not easily available in bookstores. Furthermore, I do think my reference books are just enough.

Because They Are..

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Two days ago,

"ikah balik x?" -mama

"ikah balik bila?" -akak

Yesterday,

"Bila balik"- abang fifi

and today,

"ikah nak balik bila?" - adik yah

I miss them. May I will always be a good daughter & sister. 

Count The Days

Do you notice any changes on the sidebar? 

3 Months, 2 Weeks and 4 days before IB Exam. 

O Allah, I seek refuge in You from worry and grief, from helplessness and laziness, from cowardice and stinginess, and from overpowering of debt and from oppression of men. May He ease everything.

Colours Of My Life

It's weekend and I joined a gathering (more to a picinic) with the sisters. I know I still have EE, ToK, CAS, and howework unfinished but I don't want to make this as an excuse for not going to that programme. Thanks Almighty God for such beautiful memories and reminders. To say it specifically, we went to Morib Beach, Banting, Selangor. It wasn't bad at all. At least this place reminds me on  the registration day of KMB (My family brought me here and I complained about its wave breaker) I did learn a lot about ukhuwwah. Mentioning "ukhuwwah" reminds me on Prophet Muhammad SAW and Abu Bakr, and Ansor and Muhajirrin.  

A friend of mine shared a beautifully said piece of words yesterday. Bad enough I forget it already. So, I come up with a new version of words xD.

Loving a friend means we bring her/him closer to God. Walk through this dunya together with His guide and keep reminding each other to the path of khoir.

and a story to be shared:

One day, Abu Bakr (R) and Ali (R) were walking towards each other. They passed by each other and neither greeted the other. In arabic culture it is customary for the younger to greet the elder. Later that day Abu Bakr(R) saw Ali (R) and asked him, "Are you upset with me?" because he had not greeted him. ALi (R) replied, "No, but last night I had a dream. In the dream I saw a beautiful palace in paradise. I asked who’s palace it was and an angel told me it is for the brother who greets the other first. I was waiting for you to greet me because I wanted you to have the palace." Abu Bakr then told him, “Last night I had the same dream too. I was waiting for you to greet me because I also wanted you to have the palace.”

See how incredible their ukhuwwah is. Inshallah Allah (SWT) will give us this kind of strength so we can become like them too.

Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqoon (i.e. those who have Taqwah).                                                                                   [Qur’an 43:67]

"Hafidh Ibn Katheer, commenting on this verse, relates a story on the authority of Ali Ibn Abi Talib (ra) and says that any friendship for other than Allah is turned into enmity, except what was in it for Allah the Mighty and Majestic: “Two who are friends for Allah’s sake; one of them dies and is given good news that he will be granted al-Jannah, so he remembered his friend and he supplicated for him, saying: ‘O Allah, my friend used to command me to obey You and to obey Your Prophet (saws) and used to command me to do good and to forbid me from doing evil. And he told me that I will meet You. O Allah, do not let him go astray after me, until you show him what you have just shown me, until You are satisfied with him, just like You are satisfied with me.’ So he is told: ‘Had you known what is (written) for you friend, would you have laughed a lot and cried a little.’ Then his friend dies and their souls are gathered, and both are asked to express their opinions about each other. So each one of them says to his friend: ‘You were the best brother, the best companion and the best friend.’ 

And when one of the two disbelieving friends dies, and he is given tidings of Hellfire, he remembered his friend and he said: ‘O Allah, my friend used to order me to disobey You and disobey Your Prophet, and commanded me to do evil, and forbade me from doing good, and told me that I would not meet You. O Allah, do not guide him after me, until you show him what you have just shown me and until you are dissatisfied with him just like You are dissatisfied with me.’ Then the other disbelieving friend dies, and their souls are gathered, and both are asked to give their opinions about each other. So each one says to his friend: ‘You were the worst brother, the worst companion and the worst friend.”    

missionislam                              

So, let us all renew our intentions and may our friendship is showered with God blessing. Writing this brings back my mind to the old days with my buddies in Maahad.

Till then. Love :)

Have faith

So this is my first post of 2012. 09 January 2012- a kind of, significant date for me. I'm just hoping everything turns up well. Anyway, today's the last day of our exam review week, technically, as there're still a few papers that I didn't get. Last semester exam surely indicates my poor performances in studies especially in certain subjects. Most of my friends ' results also were not so good as compared to the previous sem exam. It's understandable that semester 3 was really packed and hectic. Still, what I worried the most is that I did study for this 'one' subject but still fail to get seven. Frustrated! =.=


On a different note, I have something to share with my fellow readers.

If ye help not (your leader-prophet Muhammad saw), (it is no matter): for Allah did indeed help him, when the Unbelievers drove him out: he had no more than one companion; they two were in the cave, and he said to his companion, "Have no fear, for Allah is with us": then Allah sent down His peace upon him, and strengthened him with forces which ye saw not, and humbled to the depths the word of the Unbelievers. But the word of Allah is exalted to the heights: for Allah is Exalted in might, Wise.  (9:40) 

I'm pretty sure that this  most of us know this hijra story as this's part of Islamic studies syllabus since kindergarten. From those verse, we can see on how our prophet and Abu Bakr put their fully believe, faith and confidence on Allah when mushrikeen sought after them. At the end, Allah sent His  help to both of them and they saved. 


All  this while, I do think that believe, faith and confidence are the same thing. But I was completely wrong.
A friend of mine shared an analogy to show the differences between these words.


Say you're at shooting target booth in a fun fair and you saw someone, who was successfully shooting a apple 7 times without even a miss. You would surely impressed of the ability of that person and regard her/him as a good shooter. But are you confidence enough to offer yourself by putting the apple on your head, so that the so called good shooter can test his skill again. (and by using the real pistol) I believe not all of us have courage to do this. Not even me! To make it more fascinating, imagine yourself in medieval time, where you were tied on a wheel and spun around. (imagine a dagger instead of pistol as i don't think there's pistol at that time)

google images

I hope at this point all of you get my message. Try relate this analogy to Allah. We know that He's capable of doing anything He want but at a point we feel it's kind impossible for things to happen. Miracle do happen. and that's Allah  will.


So, do believe, have faith and confidence on Him.