Monday, December 8, 2014


Lepas exam tadi, laju-laju kayuh basikal balik. Solat, call mama n now terbenam dalam duvet. Excuse my language. Terbenam? Terkurung? Arrgh. Semoga dikurniakan hati yang redha dan harapnya lebih menambahkan semangat untuk study lepas ni.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

because we simply forgot

As I grew up, there are more and more 'things' that I realised I take it for granted. I wish it is still not to late for me to feel the al wadud of Him. We all know but we sometimes, simply forgot. Because we are all insaan, tend to forget things easily.

Close the eyes, make dua and cry, annnddd sujood.

This reminds me of my friend's sharings in our daily kuliyyah subuh:
We sometimes forget that those love we get from our family, friends, teachers, etc all from Him. He's the one who give thise love, make those people love us. Simply because, He's al wadud.

I just knew it, so congratulation


O Allaah, I seek Your guidance by virtue of Your knowledge. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allaah, if in Your knowledge, this matter is good for me both in this world and in the hereafter, then make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge it is bad for me and for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs, then turn me away from it.

Thats one of my prayer. But when He turns 'that' away, I become speechless. A little bit sad maybe. Forgive me O'Allah for being greedy.

Allah is al-'aliim, the knower. He knows what is best for his slave, for me.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Second Week

So today  I started my second week of Block 1. Things were a lil bit disorganized at first as my handphone suddenly broke down last night. My partner texted and called me a few times and I can tell he was very annoyed. Luckily, one of my housemates has an extra mobile phone. Problem settled, at least for a while.
There is nothing much today in the hospital as the teams (the consultant, registrar, SHO and intern) were not in the hospital. They were in other hospital. Well, thats the difference between Malaysia and here. Doctors here work in a few hospitals. (as far as I know) Anyway, my partner and I then decided to go to library and we go through some case example of rheumatology and later we presented to each other. Here you go, ankylosing spondylitis, rhematoid arthritis and psoriasis. I saw a few patients with those diseases last week in the clinic and tried to relate with the case studies. Later, we went for tutorial and take history of patient in A & E.

There is nothing much today but I feel relieved. Less stress. (selalu rasa bodoh kat hospital) Hahaha

After that, we headed to Brookfield for lecture. I am so fascinated with the lecture today on Patient Safety . A few quotes and take home message:

You need knowledge, you need skills, but You also need compassion

Acknowledge error and allow learning to occur

To err is human, to cover up is unforgivable but to fail to learn is inexcusable

Ok thats all for now.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


When I was walking home from class today, my thoughts is on this dusty blog. I suppose it might be a good idea if I write about my journey in medical school. At least, there is a place for me to pour my emotion into. Haha. We'll see for how long I manage to really update it.

Hurm. moving on..

I am currently on my 3rd year and this means I am starting the clinical year. This doesn't mean I would spend the whole day at the hospital. I still have classes/ clinical skill lab/tutorials to attend. I am still adapting with the new environment/ the new way of learning. I (still) find it really really tiring especially when I have to go to hospital in the morning and then rush to class, which is a bit far. My greatest achievement was that I walk 5 to 6km one way.

First week.

I am attached to Medicine or specifically, Rheumatology department. At first, I was actually hoping for respi or cardio, but anyway, it doesnt happend. Haha. The intern, SHO, registrar and the consultant are really helpful and SCARYYY. I mean, they asked lots of questions and I simply cannot answer T.T Those thing in 1st and 2nd year were washed away, I guess. Urrrgh. I feel useless at some point. Besides, I am still having trouble with the language. T.T I have been here for 2 years and I know, it should not have happened. But it did! The hospital setting are different and I guess I need to adapt and do my best.

Hoping the best for the second week. Till then.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Society's Pressure of Beauty

I bought a new lip balm the other day from this one high end brand . I swear that this is the most expensive lip balm I have ever bought. Typical lip balm only cost you 2 to 3 euro but this one... equal to a nice dress I guess. Well, I'm sure you wont mind the price when you have a really chapped lip. The sale girl then offered me a free make-up session. So I said, Why not? I'll give it a try.

So the other day, I went for that make up session. The make up artist is really friendly and seems professional doing my make up. Having zero knowledge about the make up stuff, I felt really embarrassed and 'awkward' by her questions.

"What shades do you usually use?"
"Do you like .."

So I just pretend as if I knew things. Hope it doesnt look that fake. It's because I don't even know how to do a basic make up; even when I am applying eyeliner, I tend to get smudge all over ny eyes. Told you, i am that noob in make up stuff.

Hehe. giggle.

So this month's lesson:

The prospect of beauty. Always redefine the true meaning of beauty. We, as Allah's creations (especially the women) always love bits of beauty. But some are lost in this prospect. or I'd say drown in it. Some are feeling more self-conscious, more deficient and even less beautiful. It is because we’re being told—implicitly or explicitly— that we are not enough. We’re not good enough, thin enough, or attractive enough; that our skin does not look young or light enough. We are always broken, blemished, or scarred, and we need fixing. There is always a new standard or method for enhancing everything from our skin, hair, lips and nails, to almost every inch of our body—and it’s impossible to keep up. So many succumb to society’s pressure to conform, and they go to great lengths to surgically alter their bodies, inject foreign objects in them, starve themselves or follow strict diets or exercise programs—all in an effort to look more beautiful and desirable.

Our religion teaches us to take care of our bodies and to maintain a pleasant physical appearance. It also emphasizes the need for every individual to develop an inward beauty: a beauty that comes with knowing Allah swt and obeying Him, and that transcends the mere image of a person.  This inward beauty can actually become so radiant that it manifests in a person’s external appearance. It is for this reason that some of the righteous people of the past would comment on the physical beauty of those who prayed during the night or performed other righteous deeds.

Our Prophet Muhammad mentioned again and again the beauty of he or she who embodies good character. He also emphasized to those seeking marriage to look for the one who is beautiful as a result of their character and religion. In this way, Islam defines beauty as something more profound than just the physical.

Underneath the superficial layers of different physical features, skin colors and types of dress, all of us have hearts and souls that long and plead for the same deep connection with their Creator.

“Truly, in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of God; and in it there is a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing God and being true to Him; and in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and turning to Him and always remembering Him; and if a person were given the entire world and what is in it, it would never fill that emptiness.”
-Ibn Qaiyyim-

So no matter how much we alter and reshape our physical form, it will not fill the void in our hearts that is reserved for God. When we follow our desires and the ever-changing whims of creation, we chain our souls down to the lowly, fleeting life—and away from God. But when we connect our hearts and minds to the Eternally Permanent One, Al-Baqi, our souls are freer to draw closer to Him.

Less is more. Always redefine the meaning of beauty. But hey, do look good as allahu jamil wa yuhibbu jamal.

Yours truly.

Sunday, May 25, 2014


It's raining heavily outside. Two choices. Either to walk/run in the rain or just wait for it to stop. Same goes to life, certain things are worth waiting but some are not. Today's rain is really something to me due to the fact that I'm raining inside. Maybe it's just the time of the month. 

Someone told me this morning,
 'Hey, we've grown up. There is no time for us to be emotional'

Allahu yusahhil :)

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Mixed Up

Unconditional love. Does it ever exist?


I am enticed by a status from a senior, which goes;

"We often mix between what is for Allah's sake 
and what is for our own sake". 

We do those extra ibadah because we have those worldly gains that we want. 

We were told that out of many ways to gain His love are to do things such as reciting the Quran, listeing to Islamic speakers, go to daurah, waking up for qiamullai,and  performing (extra) solat rawatib. Whether we realize or not, those effort can easily turn into just another daily routine.

when we're standing up after our obligatory prayer,
when we're lifting our hands for du'a that we've been reciting and memorizing for the past months.
when we're prostrating during prayers and all we are doing is asking for those worldly things that we wanted so bad.

never or rarely, to appreciate His presence or His closeness.

and sometimes, we do all the ibadah so that we're able to tick the boxes for our 'mutabaah amal' or good-deeds-I've-done list.

Rarely we talk to him and pour things out from our hearts.

We do those ibadah because all the wordly gains.

and of course, all of them can be prevented by having a pure intention and
by keep renewing our intention.

To love Allah for the sake of Allah
To do those extra ibadah for Him, not just because we have this wordly gain that we want.
and To be sincere, despite knowing that it is the most challenging thing to do.

Let us seek for Allah's redha and thus gaining a beautiful ending, shall we?

Sunday, March 30, 2014


A good sharing indeed by Ustaz Hasrizal. Go and read people!!

Maka, bersifat ala kadar dalam menerima keputusan peperiksaan justeru ala kadar juga dalam membuat persiapan pengajian… bukanlah kualiti yang layak bagi seorang Muslim. Apatah lagi Muslim yang mahu memperjuangkan Islam. 

See more at:

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Are We Ever Really Ready?


At one point, I was so sick looking at the needle. I was tired to get blood taken. Besides, I'm always having trouble to get phlebotomy (get blood taken) as my vein is so tiny.

and you know what, the doctors and nurses told me,

You'll master it once you become a doctor soon.


That was before.

For now, alhamdulillah.

In a different context, my friends and I were talking about death last night, and it makes me remember those time. My senior told me one of her friends passed away last week. They're now collecting some donations among the deceased's relatives and friends. and it's to perform hajj on the deceased behalf. This turns me into silent for while. Are we ever really ready to die?

Last time, these are amongst thousands thought that was lingering in my mind

- Will I able to pass second year this academic year despite of absence from classes? Will I able to finish Meds school and become a competent doctor? Am I fit enough?

- I wanna see my family.

- What I've contribute to others? Nothing?

It was never easy, you know. Dunya, and it always about it. Sigh.

and last questions,

If we die, how we gonna die? what do we leave(contribution, etc) and what would people remember us at? Positivism, good deeds or vice verse.


Friday, March 14, 2014

Stand up

Sometimes someone need to stand up and say something.

"It is very easy to criticise but we are facing a situation that has never been experienced by any country in the world.
"If you say Malaysia failed (in handling the missing flight), that means the United States, New Zealand, Australia, Singapore and all those other countries (helping in the search and rescue) also fail, why don't you blame them also," he asked.
- Tun Mahathir Mohamad-

I would say, it's maturing process. 

p/s:  impressed with the confident, thats all.

Thursday, March 13, 2014


So the news about MH370 missing plane is everywhere now, not only on the local medias but internationally. Even when I was waiting to see consultant in OPD today, the news about it was aired on the TV. Some old folks  here stopped by and asked my friends " are you came from the country with the missing airplane?" See?

With this poignant tragedy, there are loads of speculations has arisen. Some are ridiculously a lie, some seems pretty convincing but no one knows the real story. Not to be forgotten, some events especially raja-bomoh-thingy also got a huge attention. There're actually a few other things that I rather not mention it here. I would say, it is way too much. To quote a tweet from a public figure, 'World is looking at Malaysia now, don't embarrass us with such acts'

Worst, some countries mentioned 'things' about Malaysia. Not professional, weak, other countries intervention and leadership thingy. No, I'm not pointing fingers but I am just hoping that every one of us stop condemning and blaming others. Maybe some responsible people are wronged, but please don't condemn your own country while keep boasting how good the other countries are. As Malay's adage says, ibarat membuka pekung di dada. (patriotic- soul spotted, ehem)

“The Chinese government is under quite a lot of pressure,” said Xu Liping, senior fellow at the National Institute of International Strategy at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences in Beijing. Ordinary people in China feel the investigation “has not been professional.”


Keep praying for them. and what I mean by praying is 'praying'

Photo: Mari kita doakan dengan sebenar benar doa

Monday, January 27, 2014

Expect the Unexpected

Who knows the first time I would be admitted to hospital is here, in Cork, thousand kilometres away from beloved family. He is the best planner, after all. I'm not sure what lies for me in future, but I know I should prepare for it. 
O Allah make things easier for us, do not make things difficult for us.O Allah, let our affairs end with goodness.

Should write about those days in hospital, but too many things to be settled. and yes, I am still recovering.

Till then,

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Travelogue: Berlin

(wrote this a year ago and left in in drafts)

Berlin. It wasn't on my winter trip's plan initially. Since we need to transit for Istanbul flight, so I said, why not? and yeah, here came Berlin to our mind.  So I would say, Berlin is an amazing city. I fall in love with it the moment my foot stepped on it. o wait, am I too much? xD OK, I think I should start being serious and stop rambling.

My flight to Berlin, Schoenefeld airport to be precise, departed at 1700 from Aerfort Baile Atha Cliath (Dublin Airport) and we arrived there five to 8pm. It's already dark at the moment but all that we know was to find a train-S Bahn- to Parkow (S9). Then, we went to Tourist Information at the airport and bought a Berlin Welcome Card for which cost Euro20. I know it's kind of expensive but it covers Part A, B, C of Berlin, including public transports and discounts on many interesting places here. 

The funny part is that we met a Malaysian there.

A: Hey, are you looking for a bus to city center.Us: No, we're going to take train. Do u know where can we validate this card?A: Just go straight. Depan tu jer ( at this moment, we still didn't realized he's speaking Malay)Us: Err ok thanks.A: Eh, Malaysian larUs: Lah, Malaysian ke? *laughed*
and our destination is the last stop: Parkow. and then we take bus N27 to Prizenalle.

We got lost to find "Inn Berlin" for almost 1 hour -.-' It's really hard to find people who're able to speak English. Alhamdulillah, we finally found it and it was so frustrating to know that the inn's really near to bus stop. Like, it was just in front of our eyes when we got off from the bus. We were greeted by Mr Ralph (can I call him uncle), which I found a really sweet gentleman. The inn was very comfortable, I would say, and yes affordable. Without any doubt, I highly recommended it! So go and check Inn Berlin if you're planning to visit Berlin. Mr Ralph then showed us the map of Berlin and suggested places to visit. It was very very helpful and gave us the overall idea about Berlin and the transportation system. and yeah, from there we knew we're supposed to buy Berlin Welcome Card. Group cards would be a way cheaper. But it's okay, we're going to use it fully :)

"and tomorrow would be an another day, an interesting day to discover Berlin" a whisper to myself before sleep :)

We took bus to U-Bahn (U stands for underground)- it's only 5 min walk, but told ya that we;re going to use the card fully, so we took the bus, teehee- It's Panktrasse station if I was not mistaken and we headed to East Art Gallery. To go there, we need to change the train  a few times, which I couldn't remember. All you need to have is a map.and here we go:

East Side  Gallery. Basically, it's an open-air gallery and consists of paintings and murals on the 1.3 km long wall. Those painting are from artists all over the world, painted in 1990 on the east side of the Berlin Wall.  However, some of the painting have been  destroyed by vandalism and grafitti. 
One of the most iconic paintings is Der Bruderkuss by Dmitri Vrubel, which shows the fraternal kiss between former Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev and East German Prime Minister Eric Honecker. Euw! I didn't take the picture of the painting, google it of you wanna see.

and we also played snow along the way xD
and we walked until we reached a bridge, Oberbaumbrücke“; and a souvenirs shop
Then, we took the train to join the free tour. It was the best ways to get to know Berlin. it;s 3.5 hours walking tours and it covers most of the main sites and stories. It's start at Bredenburg Gate (Brandenburger Tor in Germany). These are the places that we covered:  1. Bredenburg Gate/ Bredenburger tor

2. Holocaust memorial or Memorial to the murdered jews

3. Over Hitler's Bunker (it's just a car park actually). It is believed that Hitler and his GF, Eva Braiun got married shortly before they committed suicide.

4. SS Headquarters. It is used to be a center of occupation of the red soldiers (Solvet Union). The building also is said to have some tragic values to the Germans, where the issue of massive rape came. "The women of German are yours"- this is one of the quotation by a important person in Soviet troops. 

5. The Wall of Berlin, which divides the east and the west of Berlin. It was built in just one night.

6. Checkpoint Charlie. Basically, it's a symbol of America's occupation. The portrait was not really an important person but he just a man who was wearing the army's uniform.

7. Gendarmenmarkt. it is one of the famous square in Berlin, and the site of the Konzerthaus and the French and German Cathedrals. French and German Cathedrals are quite similar but Germans architects purposely make the German cathedral 1 meter taller.

8. Book Burning Memorial

9. Bebelplatz

10. Lustgarten

and some few places that I'd already forgot.

So, I would say, Berlin is a very very exciting places to visit. a very historic place. as I just go the historic part of Berlin. There're actually loads of other thing to discover here. They say nightlife (nightclubs, pubs) here is a world class. Errr. and they got one of largest designers store in Europe (didn't have a chance to go). and yeah, the foodstuff in Berlin is so so cheap. a way a cheaper than in Ireland. Like half price compared to Cork. So unfair. Sobs :(

Would love to go again. InshaAllah

Travelogue: Istanbul

(wrote this a year ago, but I didn't post this until today)

Istanbul. Byzantium or Constantinople. Call it with any name but it is undeniably a great city. It is divided by 2 parts, European and Asian continents and separated by a breathtaking Bosphorus straits, which encompasses the natural harbour  known as Golden Horn. Oh there're plenty to share about Istanbul, but hey, make sure you put Istanbul in your places-to-visit.

Going here is not the same as other places. A great Islam civilization once, which is Ottoman Empire started here. Getting to know the Constantinople,Ottomans' history is a must before you start your journey :)

I would say that Istanbul is a city, that must be visited by an adventure seeker, kebab lover (kebab's restaurants are everywhere!) and most importantly, a person who truly appreciate a good old history. especially the muslims!

Oh I think I should start with food pictures. OMG I'm drooling.. Halal food is everywhere. Heaven!

Here we go darlings :P ( Maybe I should contain my over-dose excitement. Teehee)

We arrived International Sabiha Gocken Airport in the evening and straight to our shuttle van to our hostel. Met a few Malaysians at the airport (yeah, Malaysians are everywhere). and I met a little cutie, who tried to snatch my luggage. Hahaha. She's into red items, I suppose. MashaAllah, she's too adorable.

After done with our hotel check-ins, we headed to restaurant for dinner. Yum. Yum. The worst part was, we're being manipulated by the owner of the restaurant. 24 lira per head. -.-" No wonder we got free baklava (a type of dessert-one of turkish delights) However, the dishes was superb. I whispered to myself, redha je la, rezeki pak cik tu :)

I'm not intending to describe a single detail of my jaulah here. I'm gonna keep the story short and the leave it to those that have Istanbul in their list. These are some places that we visited;

1. Domabahche Sarayi (Domabache Palace)

Crazy. That was my first thought. It's just too much. The palace was ordered by Sultan Abdul Mecid I and it cost about 35 tonnes of golds. It is said that the money was supposed to built a warship as the country was at stake at the moment. This palace consists of 3 main parts, which are Selamlik (the official part of the palace), Harem (the sultan and his family's residential)  and ceremonial hall.  It contains 285 rooms, 46 halls, 6 baths (hamam) and 68 toilets. The infamous Attaturk also died here. 

Overall, I would say, the palace is so beautiful and luxurious but as I said before, it's just too much and unnecessary. As I walk around in the palace, I couldn't help from feeling sad. Is it sad? I just don't know how to describe the feeling, but it just feel like, why he did this?

2. Blue Mosque

We spent a few hours here. It's just too peaceful being here. Plus, it's chilling outside with heavy snow. The feeling of being able to hear azan, pray and tadarus in the mosque is just indescribable. (I never have a chance to go to mosque in cork)

3. Hagia Sophia or Aya Sophia

It was once a famous Orthodox cathedral, later a mosque and now a museum. I amazed to the fact the church was transformed to a mosque. Inside, we can see the mixture of church & Islamic architecture.

4. Topkapi Sarayi

It's huge, consists of lots of rooms, which now are exhibition rooms (museum). I spent a few hours here. 

5. Spice Bazzaar and Grand Bazaar.

Spice Bazaar is a lot cheaper if you wanna buy tudung, scarves, shawls, skirts and of course, you really need to be good at bargaining. 

Those are the top 5 places to go if you to Istanbul. But if you stay longer, why not explore more. 


So it's 2014. I somehow can't believe that I'm now unofficially 22 years old. Older, yes and with much more responsibilities. Hoping to be a better muslimah inshaAllah.

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