#5

Do you think you are a responsible person?

Most of the time, I think I do. But today, I doubt that.

It happened this morning when I skipped ward round because I could not finish the-6-hours online modules. I woke up at 4 but still, did not managed to finish by the time I ought to go to hospital. (I'm on Surgery rotation so ward rounds starts at 7.30am, if not 7!) Even though the other student in my team, in the end didn't join the ward round, I still feel I'm not responsible; as a student. I shouldn't skip what I'm supposed to attend. I should organize my time better. I should sacrifice my sleep last night. Reflecting back, I do occasionally skip classes or tutorials before, for whatever reasons. At the back of my head, I do have excuses; I'm wrecked, I come home late, my schedule is tight lately etc etc.

Hurmm,

This kind of attitude is toxic. Soon I will be working and of course, there is no way I could come late, skip things, just because I am tired, don't feel like doing it or whatever reasons/excuses I had.

Thats why I am scared of commitments, like marriage. (my friends at my age are mostly married). I just feel like if I can't settle my own things/personal daily life, how could I do something bigger? I admit I do not have much problems doing house chores, cooking but when it comes to discipline... hurmmm..

++++

Update- 2 days later,


After a long thought, (no more disappointment on yourself, please) I finally came to a conclusion that we could not control things. We can only do our best. I mean, our very best (the best possible efforts).

Then if we couldn't achieve what we want, I guess that is our fate or takdir.